MAFS: Second Chances-Episode 5: The Nitty Gritty

The competition is heating up. We find out that the second person that Vanessa breaks up with is Howard. Howard… was kinda like wallpaper, orrrrrrrr, like a  China cabinet. Present in the room, but you don't really notice that he's there. Nice enough guy, but nothing about him really stood out, so I’m not too broken up about it. Meh. 

Last week, we didn’t know who David was going to end it with. Maya had already tapped herself out, so he only had to break up with one person. He knocks on the door, and Jordan opens it.

Us: 

I’ve BEEN on #TeamJordan.  I think they would've made a great couple and the fact they were almost matched on the original show says a lot. She balances him and compliments his sensitivity, but wouldn’t overwhelm him in a marriage like I think some of the other girls would. They sit and have a conversation about the fact that their relationship hadn't really grown and that she had some negative things to say about the other girls--particularly Melika. The fact is, that David asked her to spill the tea and then got caught up on that instead. Jordan laid it all on the table.

Jordan: Do you feel like you even got to know me? You don’t know what I even do for work.

Us:

Boom.

Boom.

David the People Pleaser cannot win. Jordan was right. He spent so much time trying to find out who was involved in the drama, that he neglected to get to know her. Pastor Calvin called it. David is so used to chasing women and trying to “fix” the ones with the issues, that he will literally forget about the potential in others.

We see the conversation end with both Jordan and David in tears. My. heart. broke.

Vanessa meets with relationship expert Rachel Dealto to discuss her feelings about the seven suiters she has left. They discuss her non-negotiables-- goal-less immature men who have nothing going for themselves. Rachel reminds her to open up, as she hasn’t kissed Dre yet— and she needs to make sure she’s not too guarded.

Rachel asks Dave about his deal-breakers also.  He wants a family, so she encourages him to have those conversations with the girls sooner rather than later. Get to the core of who these women are and make sure the chemistry and connection is actually there.

On the group date, Dave takes the seven girls to a trampoline park. Taking Isabella aside, they start to have a conversation about their futures. Isabella, although on the younger side, was one of my favorite picks for him. She lets him know that she’s always wanted to teach abroad and David admits he’s only been to Canada. Sir, I’m going to need you to get more stamps on your passport becauussseeeeee you’re 31.

Callie approaches the girls and apologizes to them about the name calling and the gossiping. Later on, David and Melika have a moment in the foam pit where she reports to Dave that while Callie did say she was sorry, she still thinks that she's full of shit. Although I don’t care for Melika, she makes a good point. Callie played a little dirty, got caught up and is currently trying to save face.

So when David pulled Callie aside to discuss what her intentions were, how she was feeling and then asks her on the one on one date, all the girls, are like,

They go horseback riding and I’d say they had a decent time, but I’m not so sure the spark they once had is going to be reignited. Callie is definitely on the chopping block. 

Vanessa takes her seven guys to play flag football, complete with custom made #TeamVanessa shirts that I thought were super cute.

Myles whips out the charm once again, and she ends up asking him on a second one on one date. I think we’re all starting to see a connection grow but all the other guys are looking like:

On their date they participate in an African dancing class. Now, we all know that this is the first White dude that Vanessa has dated, and I knew it would be interesting, but when Myles started dancing...

I mean at least he tried.  The attempt was attractive and the heartfelt kiss at the end told me that Vanessa is really starting to fall for him. She wants a sweet guy who is all about her, and Myles is definitely that. 

On the next small group date, Vanessa takes her top runners, Dre and Myles on a out to a cornfield and Myles—bless his heart—said they went to a “Worldly” Dance Class the day before. 

Myles. Boo. It’s ok to say African. Poor thing.

So on this date, it’s much more intimate with just the three of them. They get to talk about family/upbringing and it’s discovered that like Vanessa, Dre was also raised by a single mother. Vanessa chooses Dre to go off on a one on one date, and Myles looks crushed.

They walk over to this really cute picnic and start chatting. Dre is showering her with compliments, and they finally kiss.

Y'all know Dre has been my top pick for Vanessa from the beginning. I thought their energies and personalities matched the best so I’m happy this finally happened.

They do have a conversation though, about his past relationships and he’s admitted that he’s cheated before, which to Vanessa raises a red flag because she, like most of us, have trust issues. Oh Dre. I wanted you to win. 

For David’s small group date, he takes Misha, Tara and Melika to an apple orchard/farm because as we know, a spontaneous attitude in his partner is a non-negotiable. They watch a pig race, and all of the girls seem to be having a great time except Melika. I mean, honestly I don’t particularly care for the pig situation, either, so I feel her. But, sis.  You have to know what kind of man you’re dealing with. These are the things he likes. Knowing David’s personality by now, we know that he will probably try to accommodate her, but end up miserable in the process.  Don’t do it. Dave.

They move on from pig racing to milking cows. Now,  I’ll be honest. I’m from Brooklyn. There are no cows here. Just rats, pigeons and bodega cats. However, as long as the cow isn’t giving me the side eye, I’d pull on one of the little udder things really quick, and jump back-- you know-- just to say I did. If my man likes milking cows, well so do I.  Melika wasn’t having it. She participated, but it was clear that she was over it and starts to complain.

Girl.

Of course David is trying to be Captain Save- A-Heaux and I’m over it. I feel like Melika is turning into a Maya part 2--trying to manipulate him into doing what she wants him to do, instead of focusing on what’s best for him. We see you.

Vanessa finally goes on a one on one date with Ike. Now Ike seems like an all-around regular shmegular guy-- really straight forward with a good head on his shoulders. Vanessa is religious and so is he, and that foundation is really important to her. They have a conversation over ice cream about relationships and communication. 

Ike: There’s no conflict that can’t be solved if two people are willing to really work.

Us:

Ok Ike!! Let me find out you got the juice!!

Vanessa asks him what his views were on sex before marriage.

Ike: *awkward pause*

Vanessa: Are you a virgin?

Ike: Ummm.

Us:


Oh Ike. Waiting until marriage is a nice but… honey… I don’t know about all that.

Isabella and David go on another one on one, where we learn that Isabella might not be as ready as David is to settle down. The overseas conversation comes up again and while she wants to get married, having kids isn’t an immediate thing for her, which might be a bit problematic for David. She’s only 23 and Dave is 31. Timing is everything. Yikes. This may not work.

Zach goes on a final one on one date with Vanessa where they discuss the fact that she didn’t really get to know him because she’s not really sure who he is. Sidebar: shout out to that “Feminist AF” sweatshirt our girl is wearing. I love it!

The date goes ok, but I don’t think Zach is going to make it to the end. There’s too many mysteries with him.

On the last one on one date with Melika, David is pouring his heart out to her and I just feel like she is not reciprocating. She’s dry and I think she’s starting to realize how serious he is. Girl just pack up and go. You don’t love that man. Nor do you deserve him.

It’s cutting time. I don’t think Callie and Zach are going to make it. My twitter feed seems to think Ike is on the chopping block because of the whole chastity thing, which is likely a no go for Vanessa. Gotta try the fruit before you buy it.

Who’s it going to be? *Whispers* Melika. Dave.. Pssst. Send Melika home.   I guess we’ll see.

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 4: Side-eyes & Shenanigans


This week’s shenanigans are brought to you by the letter T. As in folks are TRYING it. It also stands for Tea. *sips* If you watched last night, you know what I mean, so let’s jump right into it.

First things, first, I called it! Pooya and Mandy-Grace are out.  There’s nothing worse than trying to date someone who may not be all that committed to the process. Making this decision this wasn’t easy for both David and Vanessa, but it was the right choice.


In meeting with Vanessa, Pastor Calvin reminds her that the name of the game is to “get what she wants.” Both her and David will have to narrow down the pool by two this week, so she needs to decide who she’s built some of the stronger connections with so far.  Pastor Calvin also reminds Dave to treat his relationships sort of like his job. As a professional, he’s super confident, but in dating, he doesn’t want to hurt feelings.  In other words, Dave--- ain’t nobody got time for that.

So on Vanessa’s group date, she gets a chance to speak to Nathan. Remember Nathan? Our Arm Wrestling Macho Man? He and Vanessa were developing some slight friction because of his comments surrounding “sensitive subjects for women…” Uhhh. What?

They have a discussion to clear the air, and Nathan claims that it’s ok that Vanessa believes in equality of the sexes, but then says that “naturally” he would want a woman that has a “level of submissiveness to her.”

Me:



He continues. “You  want the woman to be a woman.”

Us collectively: 

Vanessa busts out laughing and walks away, which is probably the best reaction to something like this.

So let’s hit a time-out, real quick.

Not long ago, I wrote a blog post about the word submissive, what it means and how people –namely men—are misguided in its use. You can read about it here. The fact is, gender roles, have evolved in the last 50 years, past the so called “traditionalism” of women being at home, barefoot and pregnant. We’re politicians, musicians, scholars, doctors, businesswomen, wives, and mothers— no longer are the last two our only options.  It’s not about “my way or the highway” in the household, because we now have rights. Like to leave your ass if you’re being trifalin. What it IS about, is respecting each other and moving forward together as a unit. You don’t automatically have the final say just because you have a penis. That’s not how that works.

*steps off soapbox* I’m finished. Didn’t I say folk were trying it? Anyways.

Dave’s group date doesn’t go that well either. They meet up at the skating rink where the drama is reignited. Melika confronts Callie about apparently saying that she looks like she shops at Wet Seal. I’m not going to lie… I giggled a bit, because girl… she’s not exactly wrong. Wet Seal is for teenagers who use their allowances to buy matching crop tops with their besties.  
 

Melika has a conversation with David to let him know that Callie has become a “mean girl” and gossips about the others in the group.  Before Dave talks to Callie about it, he has a conversation with Jordan and finds out that Melika is actually the one who may not be there for the right reasons. Which… I could have spotted from a mile away. Melika wants to win the contest. This is not about David. This is about her ego. Anyway. David talks to Callie who ends up crying and leaving, and our boy is completely over it. Having to give a group lecture to the rest of the girls, he skates off by himself and Brittany joins him. He asks her out on the one on one date and it goes well.

Myles and Vanessa hit it off during the group pottery date. After Nathan and his comments, she needed his kindhearted genuineness. He’s focused on her, he’s sweet and doesn’t seem to be trying obnoxiously hard. He’s just being himself, so she takes him on the personal date. They do yoga together and then share a kiss. It’s cute. I think Vanessa likes Myles, but mainly because he seems so into her. I can’t call it.


On the smaller group date, Dave and the girls go to a paint and sip, where Maya, who is late, eventually shows up and talks to Dave outside. She feels like this process is stressful, says she can’t do it anymore and actually breaks up him. Now I know I haven’t been a Maya fan. At all. I felt like she was dramatic and attention seeking. But I feel her on the stress and exhaustion. All that estrogen and foolishness would have worn me out too, girl.   

On Vanessa’s  small group date, she goes zip lining with a few of the guys and then pulls Shannon aside to discuss how she felt that for someone who is about to go elephant riding in Thailand for 9 days, he didn’t do enough to make a lasting impression on her. All I'm saying is, he better bring her something back. 

Vanessa decides to take Chris on the one on one date instead, to get foot massages.  As y’all might been able to tell, I’m not on the Chris train. Probably never will be. Yes, he is cute, Fine. But he can’t even talk when he’s around Vanessa. The whole time on their date, I was like,
 

Dave brings the second small group date to the gun range and pulls Callie aside to see how she was feeling after the skating rink.  They have a conversation but Dave doesn’t seem to think she’s sincere. Looks like Callie might actually be on the chopping block soon.

On Vanessa’s second group date, they go on to a glass making class. (Side note: All these dates have been super interesting/fun. Currently making a list of date ideas for me and my imaginary bae)

Zach says he has a job opportunity coming up that might put him in a position to cut his hair, but he can’t quite explain what it is. We find out later on the one on one date, that he’s hesitant to tell her that the job opportunity is in acting, (I knew it. Damn you, Michael Ealy) Now, I’m not here to rain on anyone’s dreams, but now I have so many questions. One of them being, do you even have a job, sir?  A pay-stub? W-2?

Us:

Anyway. Nathan shows up at the end of the small group to try to talk to Vanessa about their last conversation—how he didn’t want to come off offensive with regards to the whole “submissiveness” comment. Ironically, all he can do is interrupt her while she’s speaking so he can try to convince her that he is in fact, not a chauvinist. The conversation does not end well.

It’s breakup time. Dave only has to break up with one person since Maya already beat him to it. My guess? It’s going to be Callie. They’ve fallen out and there’s really no comeback from it.  
The second person I think Vanessa will break up with is Zach. Honesty and stability are important and he lacks both.

First person? No brainer. We see Vanessa pull up to the house, knock on the door, and lo and unsurprisingly behold—it’s Nathan.

They briefly discuss the reasons why she’s there, and I’m not surprised that Nathan doesn’t believe that his comments were problematic. He tells us, the audience, that “while he’s no doctor” he thinks that Vanessa might have some deeply rooted issues and alludes to the absence of her father as the cause. I'm not in the business of telling folks off randomly, but sir-- let me get this straight. You’re not getting what you want, and you're turned off by a woman who stands her ground about not wanting to adhere to some archaic/outdated bullshit about our "roles" as women, so you then draw conclusions about her upbringing?  To add insult to injury, you question her psychological state of mind and say “maybe that’s why she’s single.” Newsflash, dumpling. YOU’RE SINGLE TOO.

After all of that, my only words were:

Over it.

*Exhales* Until next time friends. I need to go oil my edges.

 

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 3: Process of Elimination

And then there were 10. Here we are at week 3 of David and Vanessa’s journey to find love again. It seems like a beautiful thing. Like an awesome beginning to a love story. One to tell their children and grandchildren about this time, when they were young.  That mommy met daddy, and it was all butterflies and green meadows, and harps playing in the background.

Nope. That ain’t how it’s going down. Especially not for David. We see this episode open with him and Maya in the corner whispering, apart from the other girls. Maya is explaining to him that she feels like she’s being bullied. To her, it's a high school lunch table with a group of mean girls all over again. David reassures her that he wants her there, but he is looking stressed all the way out. 

Vanessa and David meet with the experts to continue to receive guidance now that the group is much smaller. They'll have to break up with one person each week, so it's imperative that they make good decisions. Dr. Pepper meets with David and they discuss a few people that he has eyes on.  Dr. P says what all of us are thinking: David is a people pleaser, and that isn’t going to work in this situation.

Pastor Calvin Roberson, expert and marriage counselor meets with Vanessa and they discuss her expectations, trust and communication. He tells her that she needs to make it clear what she wants and that she should never settle.

*let the church say*

With the group much smaller, the intimacy level is able to grow and the singles are able to take more time to know each person as opposed to being overwhelmed with so many different personalities at the same time. The setup is as follows: A date with the 10, two small groups of 5, and then one on one dates with whomever they choose. 

On Vanessa’s first group date, she challenges the guys to climb up a slope and says that the first person to get up the slope, gets to sit and chat with her. Of course our favorite, Andre, gets up there. Why wouldn’t he? He and Odell are basically the same person.  When he sits with Vanessa, he tells her that he  actually checked out the 5 Love Languages book that they discussed the previous week.

Us Collectively Impressed: 

She decides to invite him on the one on one date and my heart just swelled. Andre for the win!

Pooya pulls her aside and tells her that he’s got to leave early.  Boy, where you going? I mean, ok. If you say so, but that is an immediate red flag for Vanessa. 

For David’s first group date, he decides to take them Go-Karting. I’m not sure that if it was the best idea for women who have already have their claws out, but hey-- what’s the worst that can happen? Actually-- a lot. These ladies are driving like they are in a damn Mario Kart game, and eventually Mandy-Grace runs Callie off the track into the stack of tires. 

Jordan, who I really do like for David, is chilling. She's driving like a sane person and ends up winning some alone time with him. That’s what happens when you stay and in your lane and mind your business. You go, girl!

One by one though, the majority of the girls start to tell Dave that they don’t think Maya is here for the right reasons. David, because his heart is so big—does not want to see anyone get hurt and tries to get to the root of it. *Whispers*: Probably not a good idea.

Isabella, who is my absolute favorite for David, gets the first one on one date with him. The rest of the girls seem happy for her, but Maya is in the corner like,

Isabella and David play a miniature golf game on their solo date,  and ask each other questions about life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. They’re so cute together, and I wish Dave could see that she’s probably the best person for him. Isabella is young, but she’s mature. I love her energy and her optimism.  At the end of the date, they share a kiss. Now, Dave. We talked about this.

On Vanessa’s one on one with Andre, they meet up to go salsa dancing. They both look very nice and compliment each other well. Can we take a moment though, to get into this man’s hair? I know it’s somewhat of a sore spot for Vanessa, but I just need to know what kind of moisturizer, conditioner or coconut oil he’s using because those curls are popping! Anyway, Vanessa is working on relinquishing her control and letting the man lead (same here, sis. same here) and thought that Andre showed signs of being able to do that. Afterwards though, he cuts the date a bit short which disappoints her, but overall I love the fact that she seemed to have a good time. 

For Vanessa's first small group date, they went indoor rock climbing and she's able to get to talk to Zach, aka Michael Ealy. He was one of my front runners before because he seemed cute and versatile, but when Vanessa asked him questions, he had less than enough to say. 

Vanessa: What are you into? 

Zach: I like to talk about things that no one else wants to talk about. 

Vanessa: Like what?

Zach: Like deeper life, universe

Us:

Vanessa decides to take Shannon on this one on one date. Although he is a huge goofball, I think he really likes her. They go on a Ferris Wheel which is cute for them--- although I am terrified of heights so there’d be absolutely no way---and after the date is over, he goes in for the kiss.

Now I know I said Andre was my fave, but Shannon is a close runner up.  He seems to really like our girl Vanessa and him going in respectfully for the kiss was a bold move. 

For David’s small group date, they go to the boxing ring, and work out. It’s a cute activity, but I think Maya and Callie just need to throw them ‘bows and get it over with. Dave pulls Maya aside to make sure, “she’s ok.”  At this point, I'm starting to be over her. She's just super serious all the time, and doesn't seem to understand that the tension and competitiveness is apart of the process.  She’s giving Dave a speech about how many bills she has, and a mortgage etc, why she’s above this, and I'm just like:

David decides to take Tara on the one on one date after boxing.  She’s kind of flown below the radar, but because of her and David’s vague history, it’s good for them to reconnect. They go on a picnic and talk, and then then they too share a kiss.

Us: 

David belongs in a Disney movie, because he clearly thinks this is a fairy tale, and it absolutely is not. 

So on the second small group date, both David and Vanessa go to go two separate Escape Room challenges. Pooyah was supposed to be in Vanessa’s group and never showed. To me? That’s a no call, no show, bruv. You might be fired.

Vanessa’s group solves the sequence of puzzles and makes it out—surprisingly the guys work together, with Nathan taking charge—which must have impressed Vanessa because she invited him to a one on one date with her.
Chris, didn’t do… or say… much. Vanessa girl, that ain’t your husband. Let him go home to alphabetize his comic book collection or something. Nathan and Vanessa go out to eat and Vanessa tries to learn more about his background, beliefs  to make sure that they align with hers. There's some slight tension as we learn that Nathan can be a little arrogant. 

On David’s small group date, Isabella is actually trying solve the puzzles, and Melika is jumping around, acting afraid of the zombies. She does this so that Dave can ask her on a one on one date, and it works. They go on a horse and carriage ride with champagne where he learns that she's not really a romantic. He tries to kiss her and it kinda falls flat. I don't think they're a good match-- he's just attracted to her, and I feel like she just wanted to "win." 

So now both David and Vanessa have to break up with someone. My money is on Pooya and Mandy-Grace. Pooya just didn't show up and left early, and Mandy-Grace is probably too aggressive for David's taste. We won't know until next week, but y'all... I'm already out of wine. 
Also, can someone tell David that Maya might have to go home? Thanks.  


 

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 2: Parties & Potential

We left off last week with Vanessa and David giving the boot to half of the 50 singles, eliminating people they had no connection with, or didn’t fit well with their personalities. We also left David facing a very difficult situation as Jennifer legit begged him to give her a second chance. (See what I did there?) David—bless his heart, looked extremely stressed, and if I were him, I would have likely taken off running. But he decides --against his better judgment I’m sure, to let her to stay.

Jennifer: David, you won’t regret it.

The rest of us:

The singles both host pool and cocktail parties, without their friends this time, to get to know their remaining 25 dates. By the end of the night, they’ll have to narrow their pool further to just 10, who they’ll continue to get to know on a deeper level. Before the day’s events, they both meet with expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz, (I’m too tickled every time I hear her name) to prepare. In Vanessa’s meeting, she admits that she’s instantly physically attracted to some over others. We know that she’s talking about Chris, but he’s barely an adult and his rapping/ monologue/poem thing was less than amusing.

Dr. Pepper suggests that it’s really important for Vanessa to look below the surface for who she can connect with, and who also seems interested in her. She advises her to pay attention to who asks her lots of questions and be mindful of each guys’ “good nature”. i.e.; who is not—and more importantly who is acting a damn fool.

Dave’s meeting goes a bit differently. He confesses that he saw one of his dates—Merrill, out and about with another guy and it rubbed him the wrong way. He also asks Dr. Pepper, what he should do if he feels like the mood is right and he’s compelled to kiss one of the girls.

*record scratch*

Dr. P’s face says it all. She tells David that it’s a bit too early, and it could change the game drastically. I agreed. Pump your brakes, Kemosabe. We know you love hard, boo, but you have to take your time.

At Vanessa’s pool party, the guys—some shirtless—some not, begin to walk in.

Me:

They are flexing. Andre, who is becoming one of my favorites, shows off his tattoos, which are significant and sentimental.  Zach, who resembles my favorite green eyed heartthrob, Michael Ealy, takes initiative and pulls Vanessa to the side to have a conversation with her.

Antonio saw that as rude of him, becomes a bit jealous and attempts to interrupt, but Vanessa remains poised and insists on finishing.
Whispers: *Hey Tony, I don’t think that was good nature*

Meanwhile at Dave’s pool party, Jennifer puts those damn angel wings back on. It was what she was wearing when they first met, so I guess this is what she calls stepping her game up? I call it doing the damn most. Tomato, tomato.

She also tries to pull David aside to find out why she got cut in the first place. I didn’t think that was something she should ask, but I mean, it’s valid. The way I look at it? Sometimes you got the juice, and well, sis-- sometimes you don’t. She says she felt a connection, but I’m starting to think that it might actually be gas or something. David said he would talk to her later, which made sense given the environment.  She then comments that she noticed he’s wearing the same swimming shorts from his honeymoon. 

Me: And David. And everyone watching:


We have one word for you, D.

Run.

Back at Vanessa’s party, I’m sensing more of a connection between her and Andre. He asks great questions and seems really engaged. They talked about a bunch of topics including one of my favorite things to discuss-- love languages. Ok, friends! I see y’all! I’m liking this.

It’s also becoming easier for Vanessa to weed some people out.

Barrett is a lot. And he’s rude.

During a talk with Matthew, he says that from what he’s seen about marriages he “wouldn’t want to be in one.” Sir. You DO realize that the show is called MARRIED at first sight, right? Oh boy.

By the time of David’s cocktail party that evening, we figure out that the majority of the girls don’t really like Maya. They feel like she’s drier than burnt toast and that she’s “acting” when David comes around. The claws are officially out.  Her and Callie, are the main ones bumping heads, and seem to be literally seconds away from trying to drown each other in the pool.

Merrill shows up late, missing the pool party entirely, and Dave is completely over it, promptly addressing the fact that he saw her out with another guy, which--- I mean, is understandable for him to be upset, but I didn’t think was a huge deal. Nonetheless, Dave doesn’t feel like she’s all in and asks her to leave.

I wasn’t expecting that.

She starts crying and sweating and I feel really bad for her, but girl go home before your makeup stains your cute dress.

Callie was on the prowl and found Dave alone. They played pool and she ends up making—and winning-- a bet of a kiss from him if she made a shot in before he did.

Tara, who I also like, and David have history. They moved to Atlanta around the same time, but never got a chance to date each other, so I think it’s really cute that the stars may be aligning this time around, and I’m happy that they got a chance to chat.

Fast forward, David takes Maya into the house to talk to her about the issues she’s having with the other girls.  She feels like she’s being bullied and attacked.  She’s flustered, and the conversations ends with a kiss.

Us: Yelling at the T.V. because he’s doing EXACTLY opposite of what Dr. Pepper advised.

At Vanessa’s cocktail party, she’s able to speak to Nathan again, who seems more genuine than last time. He explains to Vanessa that he became a police officer because he likes to help people and she seems taken to that.

Vanessa also asks our homeboy Dre how he would feel if---hypothetically speaking---she asked him to cut his hair. Not the blonde quiff, sis! It’s his signature!  

I’m a little distracted by James, the fellas nicknamed him “Deebo” and his velvet shirt.  Baby, it’s at least 80 degrees even when the sun sets in Georgia on a good night, and you wore the hottest fabric known to man.

Well, it’s time to cut.  Vanessa and David each shake hands with the singles and ask the ones they’re not continuing with to meet them inside. This is the worst part of course, but Vanessa cuts her 15, seamlessly. David? Sigh. He asks the girls to meet him inside—including Jennifer, again—and home girl has an entire meltdown. Once again, begins begging him not to send her home. And once she gets inside, she starts cursing and carrying on. The other girls, graciously accept their dismissal, but Jen is lamenting over David’s so called, “bad decisions.” Last week, we were shocked at her reaction. This time?
 

Go home and do some yoga and rebalance your chakras, beloved because something ain’t right. Whew. Glad that’s over.  It’s down to 10 each and now the real fun begins. Vanessa. David. I hope you’re ready.

MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 1: The Hunger Games


Lifetime’s new reality spinoff Married at First Sight: Second Chances, is a doozy. After just one episode, I handed out way too many side eyes. Because, shenanigans. Girl. *sips tea*

To begin, David Norton and Vanessa Nelson, are two divorced singles and fan favorites from the show’s original “Married at First Sight”, whose marriages didn’t work out, but are still optimistic about love and ready to try again.

Unlike the show’s original concept of being blindly matched by a team of psychologists, sociologists and sex experts, and meeting for the first time at the altar, *insert JE’s ‘Let’s Get Married Remix and hits body roll* Vanessa and David will date singles, in person, for 4 months and ultimately choose someone they want to start over with. This time, the experts take a more hands off approach while David and Vanessa’s friends, become an intricate part of the vetting process.

Make sense?  Ok. So here’s the scene: David and Vanessa arrive to over 100 suitors eagerly waiting in a line wrapped so far around the building, you’d think they were anticipating a new iPhone where Siri is an actual person that gets your snacks, so you don’t have to get up. (By the way, if this every becomes a thing, count me IN.)

Their task? Speed date with each person for 3 minutes and narrowing down the hundreds to 50 that will be invited back for a second date, the following day. Armed with mimosas, beer and their best friends, the singles get started.  

By the time they meet the first dozen people, I’m already overwhelmed for them.

Having only 180 seconds to find out as much information as you can about someone is intense,
and naturally folks were trying to stand out. Some brought gifts, hit dance moves, others wrote poetry, and others were doing… a lot.

Prime example--- 22-year-old Chris—Poor thing-- I don’t think he’s ever even been on a real date, or was super nervous, because when Vanessa asks him about himself, this man breaks out in this weird, non-rhyming Migos-esque sprinkled with Drake (not in a good way) rap.

Me:

There’s a few that I did like for her though. Andre—who at first reminded me of Odell Beckham Jr. with his bright blonde quiff atop his head, (no judgement) is one. He’s cute, funny, in shape, gainfully employed as a computer engineer, and came bearing gifts—books to be exact. I like that he’s confident, yet nerdy. Vanessa & Co. seem to approve, although she’s a bit hesitant about his hair.

In this time, we also learn that our other single David, is sweet as pie and super nice. Like, assistant manager at Best Buy who talks with a customer about a DVD player for 30 minutes, and somehow ends up giving them a 50% discount, nice. He’s also really sensitive and a hopeless romantic, who gets flustered pretty easily. I like Isabella for him. She’s a sweet girl, and since his last wife was basically Cruella de Vil,  David needs someone just as warm, genuine, and open as he is.

At the end of a long first day, the singles have narrowed it down to 50 to advance to the second date. This is where things start to get interesting. And awkward AF.

The next day, David hosts a down home backyard BBQ, while Vanessa opts for a classy cocktail mixer.

Our boy Dave quickly becomes frustrated as the ladies cram for his attention and cattily attempt to “steal” him from one another. This isn’t his scene and he starts to become really overwhelmed. One girl in particular, Jennifer, is doing way too much. She admits to the other girls, his friends and eventually him, that she’s stalked him online and knows his favorite bar. She also always seems to be popping up everywhere. Like, girl where did you come from? Go that way.

Callie, who apparently does fundraisers for people who can’t orgasm, (definitely didn’t know that was a thing--- the fundraising part--) is sort of tomboyish, but cute. She’d be a good match and Dave already thinks they have somewhat of a strong connection.

So as the day goes on, these girls continue to get way more passionate.  Paige leads him to a secluded area and confesses that she doesn’t think she made an impression on him, and attempts to kiss him. Girl. No. That’s not it. You may have succeeded in him thinking you’re crazy now, though.

At this point, Dave is skressed.

So at Vanessa’s mixer, she gets a chance to speak to a few guys while her sister and friend do some of the heavy lifting and ask hard and direct questions, like when they asked Shannon --- who is a little over the top but also may be a good match for her -- “when’s the last time you got tested for HIV?”

Me:
 


Throughout the night, Vanessa learns more about the potential in the room. Myles is an interesting character and although she admits she’s never dated a White dude before, she’s open to getting to know him better.

Devin --a personal trainer gives her a rose, and then takes rose petals, from his pocket and sprinkles them on the floor like she's Coming to America. I mean, I guess.

They chat about her favorite foods, and when she mentions pasta, he asks her when the last time she worked out was. EYE felt personally attacked. If I was Vanessa, I would have checked him for coming for my glucose levels and maximum heart rate. Good day, sir.

Now, I’m unsure if it was a combination of the alcohol, testosterone and the muscle shirts, but per Nathan the Police Officers suggestion, a group of the guys decide to have an “arm wrestling contest” for Vanessa’s love.  When she catches wind of this, she’s annoyed, and rightfully so.

Who does that? Pipe down.

By the end of the night, it’s time to drop another 25 from the remaining 50. Vanessa walks around and shakes the guys’ hands. “Thank you so much for coming…”  “I had a good time, thank you for coming…” We don’t really know what’s going on here and all the men are just as confused.  She invites some of them to the next room, while some stay in the main room.

Vanessa exits the main room and goes to the second room where the men are waiting, and they start cheering.

Vanessa: I think you guys are looking for love, unfortunately it won’t be with me.

Me: 


Now, it’s Dave’s turn. He selects his 25, takes them upstairs into the house and tells them the same. Naturally the women were disappointed, but such is life. On to the next, right?

Wrong. Jennifer—remember her? Kinda over the top, somewhat of a stalker? Yeah, her—she takes it really hard. We see her in the corner crying and I guess it’s understandable. She then goes on a rant about how she’s 31 and doesn’t have much time left to make a family. I’m like “pull it together sis. Come on.”

Finally, we see her walk up to David and ask if she can speak to him privately.

Me: 


She pleads with him, telling him that she doesn’t think he made the right decision and how some of the girls aren’t here for the right reason. She thinks if they get to know each other better, that he will have a connection with her as well. Poor Dave is stuck. And this whole time, I’m cringing and clutching my pearls like,  

Sis, you don’t need a man. You need a hug, some Thai food and perhaps a really good therapist.

I don’t know how this will end, but I do know that after this premiere, my edges are not as full as they once were, As the remaining dates toast to a successful evening with the singles, I made a mental note to stock up on wine. Because, stress. This will be interesting for sure. And may the odds be ever in their favor.