Lifetime’s new reality spinoff Married at First Sight: Second Chances, is a doozy. After just one episode, I handed out way too many side eyes. Because, shenanigans. Girl. *sips tea*
To begin, David Norton and Vanessa Nelson, are two divorced singles and fan favorites from the show’s original “Married at First Sight”, whose marriages didn’t work out, but are still optimistic about love and ready to try again.
Unlike the show’s original concept of being blindly matched by a team of psychologists, sociologists and sex experts, and meeting for the first time at the altar, *insert JE’s ‘Let’s Get Married Remix and hits body roll* Vanessa and David will date singles, in person, for 4 months and ultimately choose someone they want to start over with. This time, the experts take a more hands off approach while David and Vanessa’s friends, become an intricate part of the vetting process.
Make sense? Ok. So here’s the scene: David and Vanessa arrive to over 100 suitors eagerly waiting in a line wrapped so far around the building, you’d think they were anticipating a new iPhone where Siri is an actual person that gets your snacks, so you don’t have to get up. (By the way, if this every becomes a thing, count me IN.)
Their task? Speed date with each person for 3 minutes and narrowing down the hundreds to 50 that will be invited back for a second date, the following day. Armed with mimosas, beer and their best friends, the singles get started.
By the time they meet the first dozen people, I’m already overwhelmed for them.
Having only 180 seconds to find out as much information as you can about someone is intense,
and naturally folks were trying to stand out. Some brought gifts, hit dance moves, others wrote poetry, and others were doing… a lot.
Prime example--- 22-year-old Chris—Poor thing-- I don’t think he’s ever even been on a real date, or was super nervous, because when Vanessa asks him about himself, this man breaks out in this weird, non-rhyming Migos-esque sprinkled with Drake (not in a good way) rap.
There’s a few that I did like for her though. Andre—who at first reminded me of Odell Beckham Jr. with his bright blonde quiff atop his head, (no judgement) is one. He’s cute, funny, in shape, gainfully employed as a computer engineer, and came bearing gifts—books to be exact. I like that he’s confident, yet nerdy. Vanessa & Co. seem to approve, although she’s a bit hesitant about his hair.
In this time, we also learn that our other single David, is sweet as pie and super nice. Like, assistant manager at Best Buy who talks with a customer about a DVD player for 30 minutes, and somehow ends up giving them a 50% discount, nice. He’s also really sensitive and a hopeless romantic, who gets flustered pretty easily. I like Isabella for him. She’s a sweet girl, and since his last wife was basically Cruella de Vil, David needs someone just as warm, genuine, and open as he is.
At the end of a long first day, the singles have narrowed it down to 50 to advance to the second date. This is where things start to get interesting. And awkward AF.
The next day, David hosts a down home backyard BBQ, while Vanessa opts for a classy cocktail mixer.
Our boy Dave quickly becomes frustrated as the ladies cram for his attention and cattily attempt to “steal” him from one another. This isn’t his scene and he starts to become really overwhelmed. One girl in particular, Jennifer, is doing way too much. She admits to the other girls, his friends and eventually him, that she’s stalked him online and knows his favorite bar. She also always seems to be popping up everywhere. Like, girl where did you come from? Go that way.
Callie, who apparently does fundraisers for people who can’t orgasm, (definitely didn’t know that was a thing--- the fundraising part--) is sort of tomboyish, but cute. She’d be a good match and Dave already thinks they have somewhat of a strong connection.
So as the day goes on, these girls continue to get way more passionate. Paige leads him to a secluded area and confesses that she doesn’t think she made an impression on him, and attempts to kiss him. Girl. No. That’s not it. You may have succeeded in him thinking you’re crazy now, though.
At this point, Dave is skressed.
So at Vanessa’s mixer, she gets a chance to speak to a few guys while her sister and friend do some of the heavy lifting and ask hard and direct questions, like when they asked Shannon --- who is a little over the top but also may be a good match for her -- “when’s the last time you got tested for HIV?”
Throughout the night, Vanessa learns more about the potential in the room. Myles is an interesting character and although she admits she’s never dated a White dude before, she’s open to getting to know him better.
Devin --a personal trainer gives her a rose, and then takes rose petals, from his pocket and sprinkles them on the floor like she's Coming to America. I mean, I guess.
They chat about her favorite foods, and when she mentions pasta, he asks her when the last time she worked out was. EYE felt personally attacked. If I was Vanessa, I would have checked him for coming for my glucose levels and maximum heart rate. Good day, sir.
Now, I’m unsure if it was a combination of the alcohol, testosterone and the muscle shirts, but per Nathan the Police Officers suggestion, a group of the guys decide to have an “arm wrestling contest” for Vanessa’s love. When she catches wind of this, she’s annoyed, and rightfully so.
Who does that? Pipe down.
By the end of the night, it’s time to drop another 25 from the remaining 50. Vanessa walks around and shakes the guys’ hands. “Thank you so much for coming…” “I had a good time, thank you for coming…” We don’t really know what’s going on here and all the men are just as confused. She invites some of them to the next room, while some stay in the main room.
Vanessa exits the main room and goes to the second room where the men are waiting, and they start cheering.
Vanessa: I think you guys are looking for love, unfortunately it won’t be with me.
Now, it’s Dave’s turn. He selects his 25, takes them upstairs into the house and tells them the same. Naturally the women were disappointed, but such is life. On to the next, right?
Wrong. Jennifer—remember her? Kinda over the top, somewhat of a stalker? Yeah, her—she takes it really hard. We see her in the corner crying and I guess it’s understandable. She then goes on a rant about how she’s 31 and doesn’t have much time left to make a family. I’m like “pull it together sis. Come on.”
Finally, we see her walk up to David and ask if she can speak to him privately.
She pleads with him, telling him that she doesn’t think he made the right decision and how some of the girls aren’t here for the right reason. She thinks if they get to know each other better, that he will have a connection with her as well. Poor Dave is stuck. And this whole time, I’m cringing and clutching my pearls like,
Sis, you don’t need a man. You need a hug, some Thai food and perhaps a really good therapist.
I don’t know how this will end, but I do know that after this premiere, my edges are not as full as they once were, As the remaining dates toast to a successful evening with the singles, I made a mental note to stock up on wine. Because, stress. This will be interesting for sure. And may the odds be ever in their favor.