MAFS: Second Chances- Episode 4: Side-eyes & Shenanigans

This week’s shenanigans are brought to you by the letter T. As in folks are TRYING it. It also stands for Tea. *sips* If you watched last night, you know what I mean, so let’s jump right into it.

First things, first, I called it! Pooya and Mandy-Grace are out.  There’s nothing worse than trying to date someone who may not be all that committed to the process. Making this decision this wasn’t easy for both David and Vanessa, but it was the right choice.

In meeting with Vanessa, Pastor Calvin reminds her that the name of the game is to “get what she wants.” Both her and David will have to narrow down the pool by two this week, so she needs to decide who she’s built some of the stronger connections with so far.  Pastor Calvin also reminds Dave to treat his relationships sort of like his job. As a professional, he’s super confident, but in dating, he doesn’t want to hurt feelings.  In other words, Dave--- ain’t nobody got time for that.

So on Vanessa’s group date, she gets a chance to speak to Nathan. Remember Nathan? Our Arm Wrestling Macho Man? He and Vanessa were developing some slight friction because of his comments surrounding “sensitive subjects for women…” Uhhh. What?

They have a discussion to clear the air, and Nathan claims that it’s ok that Vanessa believes in equality of the sexes, but then says that “naturally” he would want a woman that has a “level of submissiveness to her.”


He continues. “You  want the woman to be a woman.”

Us collectively: 

Vanessa busts out laughing and walks away, which is probably the best reaction to something like this.

So let’s hit a time-out, real quick.

Not long ago, I wrote a blog post about the word submissive, what it means and how people –namely men—are misguided in its use. You can read about it here. The fact is, gender roles, have evolved in the last 50 years, past the so called “traditionalism” of women being at home, barefoot and pregnant. We’re politicians, musicians, scholars, doctors, businesswomen, wives, and mothers— no longer are the last two our only options.  It’s not about “my way or the highway” in the household, because we now have rights. Like to leave your ass if you’re being trifalin. What it IS about, is respecting each other and moving forward together as a unit. You don’t automatically have the final say just because you have a penis. That’s not how that works.

*steps off soapbox* I’m finished. Didn’t I say folk were trying it? Anyways.

Dave’s group date doesn’t go that well either. They meet up at the skating rink where the drama is reignited. Melika confronts Callie about apparently saying that she looks like she shops at Wet Seal. I’m not going to lie… I giggled a bit, because girl… she’s not exactly wrong. Wet Seal is for teenagers who use their allowances to buy matching crop tops with their besties.  

Melika has a conversation with David to let him know that Callie has become a “mean girl” and gossips about the others in the group.  Before Dave talks to Callie about it, he has a conversation with Jordan and finds out that Melika is actually the one who may not be there for the right reasons. Which… I could have spotted from a mile away. Melika wants to win the contest. This is not about David. This is about her ego. Anyway. David talks to Callie who ends up crying and leaving, and our boy is completely over it. Having to give a group lecture to the rest of the girls, he skates off by himself and Brittany joins him. He asks her out on the one on one date and it goes well.

Myles and Vanessa hit it off during the group pottery date. After Nathan and his comments, she needed his kindhearted genuineness. He’s focused on her, he’s sweet and doesn’t seem to be trying obnoxiously hard. He’s just being himself, so she takes him on the personal date. They do yoga together and then share a kiss. It’s cute. I think Vanessa likes Myles, but mainly because he seems so into her. I can’t call it.

On the smaller group date, Dave and the girls go to a paint and sip, where Maya, who is late, eventually shows up and talks to Dave outside. She feels like this process is stressful, says she can’t do it anymore and actually breaks up him. Now I know I haven’t been a Maya fan. At all. I felt like she was dramatic and attention seeking. But I feel her on the stress and exhaustion. All that estrogen and foolishness would have worn me out too, girl.   

On Vanessa’s  small group date, she goes zip lining with a few of the guys and then pulls Shannon aside to discuss how she felt that for someone who is about to go elephant riding in Thailand for 9 days, he didn’t do enough to make a lasting impression on her. All I'm saying is, he better bring her something back. 

Vanessa decides to take Chris on the one on one date instead, to get foot massages.  As y’all might been able to tell, I’m not on the Chris train. Probably never will be. Yes, he is cute, Fine. But he can’t even talk when he’s around Vanessa. The whole time on their date, I was like,

Dave brings the second small group date to the gun range and pulls Callie aside to see how she was feeling after the skating rink.  They have a conversation but Dave doesn’t seem to think she’s sincere. Looks like Callie might actually be on the chopping block soon.

On Vanessa’s second group date, they go on to a glass making class. (Side note: All these dates have been super interesting/fun. Currently making a list of date ideas for me and my imaginary bae)

Zach says he has a job opportunity coming up that might put him in a position to cut his hair, but he can’t quite explain what it is. We find out later on the one on one date, that he’s hesitant to tell her that the job opportunity is in acting, (I knew it. Damn you, Michael Ealy) Now, I’m not here to rain on anyone’s dreams, but now I have so many questions. One of them being, do you even have a job, sir?  A pay-stub? W-2?


Anyway. Nathan shows up at the end of the small group to try to talk to Vanessa about their last conversation—how he didn’t want to come off offensive with regards to the whole “submissiveness” comment. Ironically, all he can do is interrupt her while she’s speaking so he can try to convince her that he is in fact, not a chauvinist. The conversation does not end well.

It’s breakup time. Dave only has to break up with one person since Maya already beat him to it. My guess? It’s going to be Callie. They’ve fallen out and there’s really no comeback from it.  
The second person I think Vanessa will break up with is Zach. Honesty and stability are important and he lacks both.

First person? No brainer. We see Vanessa pull up to the house, knock on the door, and lo and unsurprisingly behold—it’s Nathan.

They briefly discuss the reasons why she’s there, and I’m not surprised that Nathan doesn’t believe that his comments were problematic. He tells us, the audience, that “while he’s no doctor” he thinks that Vanessa might have some deeply rooted issues and alludes to the absence of her father as the cause. I'm not in the business of telling folks off randomly, but sir-- let me get this straight. You’re not getting what you want, and you're turned off by a woman who stands her ground about not wanting to adhere to some archaic/outdated bullshit about our "roles" as women, so you then draw conclusions about her upbringing?  To add insult to injury, you question her psychological state of mind and say “maybe that’s why she’s single.” Newsflash, dumpling. YOU’RE SINGLE TOO.

After all of that, my only words were:

Over it.

*Exhales* Until next time friends. I need to go oil my edges.